Wrote this a while ago, any suggestions?

Thats really good! I liked it alot =] You are really good at describing actions. The only thing I would change would be to use some different words at times because I noticed that you use the same word to describe different things, but that is just slightly. Otherwise it is absolutely perfecto!! I had a very hard time finding anything wrong with it xD I'd like to post this on wattpad, a story sharing website, with your permission of course. My friend has a large fan base on that site and I can help you get more people to see this. On the site, I can put a copyright on your work so that you'll be sure no one can steal it. You can say no of course. If you would like me to do so, email me please =)